Life as a Pretzel

Ok, I was doing fine, being good, not pigging out with Chritmas goodies--UNTIL--Brittany, my son's girlfriend brought over her mother's home-made peanut brittle!  It was melt in your mouth YUMMY!!!  Nothing like the rock hard stuff I've made in the past.  This woman knows how to make BRITTLE!!! 

Did she send over just a bite or two???  NOOOOOOOO!  A whole container!!  Which Wayne and I finished off in two days!!!  So, it's the Monday after Christmas and time to work it all off at the gym.

I noted there was a Yoga class at the Y and it fit right in with my schedule.  I love yoga---but haven't done it for about a year.  They just don't offer it at convenient times when I'm working.  But now that I have  week off........well, no excuses.

You don't know how stiff and tight you are until you start doing some of those pretzel moves!!!  Like sitting down and trying to cross your legs indian style!!  Ya, you might think that is an easy move---just sit down and try it all you over 50 year-old types!!

You know it's going to be interesting when you can't even do the simple poses!  When the yoga master asks you to do an upward dog pose and take those thighs off the floor and just rest on your toes and arms---it's simply laughable.  Raise my thunder thighs to where?????

This is how it's supposed to look.  Thank God they don't allow cameras in the yoga room.  And the no lights thing is the only reason I attempt any of it.  Darkness is supposed to be relaxing and allows one to focus.  I just use it to hide and hope that no one knows what all the grunting is about over in my corner!

What I love most about Yoga, is you can go at your own pace and level.  When everyone else jumps their legs to the front of the mat from a prone position---I can simply grab one leg and push it forward and then pull the lagging back leg up next to it. 
I'm just happy I'm still moving!!
I do feel better cause the young guy next to me was blowing like a beached whale!!!  And I could hold some positions longer than he could!!!  Unfolding from those positions took me longer but hell I had 20 years on the guy!!

Needless to say, when I got home I took two Ibuprofen tablets just to ensure that I could move around for the rest of the day!

Some day, if I keep up the yoga, I'll be able to do this:

And when I scream for help,  please be kind and unwind me!

Spotted Dick, Anyone?

It all started with a missing link.....

I attended the Library Christmas Party the other day--lots of food and good conversation with my peers, whom I rarely get to see.  Glory, our new High School librarian, and I were recalling our pathetic library courses that we attended together.  Between crazy teachers and fellow students who drove us and the teacher crazy--we managed to get our degrees. Glory reminded me of a fellow cohort that we both had in common and that she had a blog--so we could keep up on what was happening in her life.  Glory promised to send me the link.......

The next day, (I had already forgotten about the blog--very short term memory these days) Glory sent me a message with the link for Shea's blog.  Of course she had forgotten to imbed the link.  So I messaged back that the link was missing.  Here was her reply---in her own words:

"Perhaps I should actually PASTE it. I’m not always this scattered, although I’m going to tell you a little story that might lead you to think otherwise:



Last night after the party, I was at Price Chopper when a friend from my high school days called. I circled the store aimlessly chatting with her for the next 40 minutes. As I was putting away my groceries, I was stunned to discover I had purchase a $5.53 can of spotted dick! What does one do with spotted dick, I pondered on Facebook. Believe me, I received lots of hilarious suggestions! I even posted a photo, captioned—As I paid dearly for the spotted dick, I placed it on our mantle. (You have to know I am thrifty—instead of Heinz 57, I bought the Best Choice knock-off—59 sauce—so I could save two dollars!)

Have a great day!"

Priceless!!!   I immediately posted back that I was going to friend her on Facebook just so I could see reply's to her posting!!!

Totally forgot about the whole event until I was in bed with my lover.  (That would be Wayne, my husband, for those of you who were wondering.)  Then the cackling and snickering just took over. 

When I asked Wayne if he wanted some Spotted Dick--well, then the hysteria began.  I couldn't stop laughing, and all these little scenerios kept running through my head.  Needless to say, neither of us got to sleep very early.  But I do have some great lines should I run in to any of my close friends :)

Missing My Man

I've been wanting to do something with my front yard for a lonnnnnngggggggg time.  I want to create a Japenese type rock and sand garden around the big oak and the crappy little garden that surrounds the mailbox.  Nothing wants to grow in the soil around the mailbox, and the front grass area around the tree is sparse---so I say it's time to kill the grass and put in some rock, sand, and maybe a little cement bridge.
All peaceful and serene looking.  That's what is in my head---just don't know how to put it into reality.

So I've been perusing Japenese Rock Garden pictures on the web.  I get all excited about the possibilities, but I know there will be a lot of hauling of rock etc.  That's where Wayne comes in---but for some reason he is not to be found when I'm in the throes of my rock garden passion!!  (Generally, he's not to be found any time I get out the honey-do list!)  If he would only love what I love, our yard would look MAGNIFICENT!

So here are a couple of pics that inspire me with ideas:

So tell me what you think......And remember, my plan will be very simple--nothing as elaborate as some of these pictures.

P.S.  I still can't find Wayne---where is that MAN!!!!





My Second Career

So as I was biking with Patty this weekend, I was sharing with her a reading promotion that I am running with my students at Liberty Middle.  She liked the idea and I told her I was thinking of sharing it with a Library Journal and was wondering if they payed for that type of article. 

I've been thinking about writing for some time now.  Always wanted to write a book---but that's a grueling process and I'm not sure I'm talented enough to do it.  I'm a great starter, not a great finisher.  And I don't think you get paid for just starting.

But I have really enjoyed blogging--and short articles are within my reach.  So Patty was sharing with me that she had just read about people making money off of their blogs.  Hmmmmm......

So would you guys pay money to read my blog????  I'd only need you and few more thousand people to find it of interest to make this a workable plan!

So let me know what you think!!!

Not So Perfect Saturday

Didn't want any of you to think that all of my days were like Friday.  The beauty of that day didn't last even through the weekend!!

Got a call from David at midnight---to tell me he had just hit a deer. 

Gotta love those late night calls!

He and Brittney were fine, the deer and car were not.  The deer was dead, the car was drivable.  He was supposed to be the sober driver for his frat until about 4:00 am, but that was cut short.

 I'm still waiting for David to call me this morning with more of the details and to see if he needs to get the car repaired.  Hoping the car had only external injuries that don't have to be repaired.  Every guy needs to drive around in a beater at least once in his life.

Getting that midnight call didn't do anything for my sleep but getting an early morning call from my psychic (psycho) sister telling me she had a premonition about my son was even more disturbing.  IMAGINE if I hadn't got a call from David, and here she was calling to tell me she had a premonition about him.  Only my sister would think that was FUNNY!

I am finding Facebook more and more disturbing.  It allows way too many people (especially my sister) access to what is going on in other people's lives.  Such access for my sister is a danger to the world!

Be forewarned!  Ya might want to unfriend her!

More Reasons to Retire NOW

Yesterday was a perfect day and one more reason I need to retire NOW!!  It was a Friday, everyone else was in school, and I was not (due to a tiring week of Parent/Teacher conferences).

The weather was PERFECT! About 70 degrees and no wind.  All morning I worked outside on my yard-- got mowing, raking, and reseeding done on my front yard and a few other items done around the back yard.  Then it was off to lunch with Perfect Patty and on to a gorgeous bike ride through Shawnee Mission Park.  BEAUTIFUL day for a bike ride! 

Then it was time for an ice-cream break at McDs.

The evening finished off with a trip to the Improv for an evening with the comedians.  Enjoyed all three, although the poor white trash red-neck was my favorite---go figure.  Enjoyed the company of Patty and Wayne Dailey too.

I definitely need to retire NOW so I can enjoy more days like yesterday!!

Beware of Yee Old Reading Glasses

One of the first markers of middle age is having to buy reading glasses. I succumbed at the early age of 40 while Wayne held out until his 50s.

Reading glasses have made our middle age bearable as we are both voracious readers.  But I do think there should be a warning label attached to all readers.

Let me explain.........

Wayne and I were down to one car this week as the clutch went out on his car (it is middleaged too--for a car).  So Wayne was having to drive me to work and pick me up and tote me to my dental appointment.   When I came out of the dental office and glanced at Wayne, I thought he looked a little funny.  The tip of his nose looked red.  When I got closer, it looked like he had a bruise or something. I wondered if he was getting a cold sore on the tip of his nose.  When I asked him about it---not wanting to make him self-conscious or anything----he said he had noticed it too.  But it wasn't a cold sore and it didn't hurt him at all.  It was a really strange mark.  Just the ball of his nose and a little streak of purply/brown running upward.  (So has he become a secret tipler?????)

Now we come to the part about the reading glasses.  Wayne thinks the bulb of his nose was sunburned!! The day before, he was sitting outside on the back deck and then on the front porch while reading a book.  He thinks the glasses intensified the suns rays in such a way that only that area of his nose got burned.

Thus the need for a warning on all reading glasses:   "Not to be used in direct sun as the lenses may focus the sun and cause severe sunburn to odd parts of your body".

I'll let you all know when his nose starts to peel.   Then we'll know if his hypothesis is correct (or if he's just hiding a drinking problem :)

Picture Perfect

Hayley and Kate were over at the house on Saturday and it is amazing how friendly the neighbors get when Hayley is visiting.  Pete and Laura wanted to take Hayley out for icecream before Kate and Hayley headed out for the evening. 

Folks it was 50 degrees out there and they wanted to go to the outdoor Sheridan's ice cream stand!!!  I don't think so!!!  Not when I know Wayne is hoarding some mint chocolate chip ice cream in the downstairs freezer!!  So we talked Pete and Laura into staying for ice cream at our house.

While slurping up the cream, I noticed the package of school photos that I had thrown on the side table.  Every year I come home with the old school picture package.  Laura and Pete couldn't believe I had them.  They asked if I had actually PAID for them!!!  Losers!  Of course I don't pay for them!  They're free for teachers.  Then they had the audacity to say they couldn't believe I even sat for them.......like I had a choice!!!  We even have to take an all faculty picture!!!  Talk about a waste of film.

To add insult to injury they started laughing and suggested that someone should buy me a frame like the kiddos where I could put my picture each year so everyone could see the progression of my aging!!!!

I'm so glad that I hadn't thrown the package of pictures away yet--as I usually do each year.  Cause paybacks are a bitch. 

I will have the last laugh!

Couples Weekend with the Queen B

Ah, the annual card-playing couples weekend.....This year we went to Mahoney State Park near Ashland, Nebraska.  Great place and great company. 

Wayne and I hitched a ride with the Dailey's - always an adventure!  Riding three hours with 2 Waynes in the car can be a little challenging, but that is nothing compared to riding with Patty who has a penchant for multi-tasking.  At one point she was tooling down the highway, driving with her knee cause both her hands were involved elsewhere!  She even had time to enjoy the scenery along the way.

It was a beautiful day to drive to Nebraska.  By the time we got to the State Park, Patty was a little tired of the backseat drivers (the Waynes) who were also using a GPS device that kept telling Patty to turn around cause she wasn't taking the GPS's advised route.  So upon arriving at the check in booth, Patty responded to the ranger's greeting, of "How are you doing today", with the response, "Pretty good except for the back seat drivers and having to listen to the Queen Bitch". 

Both rangers roared with laughter.  I thought it was funny too, until I realized that they didn't know the GPS's nickname was the Queen Bitch.  That was when I understood that they thought  I WAS THE QUEEN BITCH! 

Patty drove away before I could set the record straight!  And to think I had handed over MY $10.00 to pay the state park car fee.  Not fair!!!

There were many more laughs to come during the weekend.  We checked out the digs which were great!  I'd recommend Mahoney State Park to anyone wanting a great get-away.  We had a fully furnished cabin that slept 10 people.  Four of us couples had our own rooms with king-sized beds.  Unfortunately, the Heutons--being the nubies to our couples weekend--got the cot and pullout couch.  They were great sports though!

We all played cards, ate good food, went to the Omaha zoo, checked out old town Omaha, ate ice cream, enjoyed a melodrama, hiked around the state park grounds, some of the girls rode horseback, and we all visited the Arbor Day Farm on the way back to KC--once more enjoying some icecream while adding apple pie to the mix :)

I'm thinking we need more weekends like this.  Laughter is great medicine!

Hey,  where are we going next year?????

Poor White Trash Yard Art

"Drunken Drive Way Takes a Wrong Turn"---That's the headline I plan to submit to the local Platte County News Rag. 

After a frenetic week of work, I was ready for a little down time.  The plan was to spend a quiet Friday evening playing cards with my "saintly friends" from Gloria Dei.  As it was only 4 o'clock in the afternoon, thought I'd relax on the couch before gearing up for the evening.  But there was no rest to be had for the weary. 

I could hear that the neighbors were restless.  Lots of boysterous chatter interrupted my rest.  I could tell they were out in the neighbor's front yard---remember the neighbor who lived so close that she could get to my front door before I could even get out of my chair!!---that neighbor!

By 4:30 pm Wayne arrived home only to declare that the neigbors were already starting up druken driveway for the evening.

Knowing I would get no further rest on the couch, I decided to be social and join the fray -- start my evening a little early --what the hell.  So I grabbed my chair and my diet coke--(yes, should have added some rum to that coke in hindsight!).

Bri-Bri was already a couple sheets to the wind.  He and the rest of the revelers had already started creating yard art with their beer bottles and cans.  Their first work of art was forming into the face of a clock.  They only needed to land a can in the 12 o'clock position to complete the venture.

Not sure if the clock was ever completed as we left to prepare for our next event and the neighbors changed their focus to decorating our our yard with their lovely trash-art creations!

They have become ever more bold--probably due to the alcohol already consumed--decorating during the daylight hours before we have even left the premises!!  At this point in our neighbor relationship, I have realized that it is really best to just let them go---and enjoy the fruits of their labors. 

I am just happy to know that the neighbors are having fun and finding a way to entertain themselves.  They all know that I secretly enjoy the attention--after all--this 50's decade is all about me!

So I now share with you the fruits of their labors:

Bestest Damn Neighbor to the North

Alright!  Just so that you all know that I have the bestest damn neighbor living to the north of me, let me sing her praises!!!
  Within seconds of posting the last comment on the Family Stories piece, Laura was banging on my door with a pile of money!!!  I had not even had time to log off!!!
  First you must understand that Laura is always surprising me.  I wake up on Easter to a yard filled with yellow puff ball dandelions, or pastel colored pinwheels by the dozens, or plastic Easter eggs, etc.  And I can never leave my house again over Christmas for all the trashy decorations that are plastered over every inch of my yard. 
  Laura's creativity is endless and all she needs is the cover of night!  (It helps that we are in bed by 9:00 pm most nights :) 
  Thursday, the night before my birthday, Laura brings over a tray filled with almost every birthday item that I blogged about earlier in the week. "Yes, my birthday is Friday, Sept 3rd, and I expect lots of attention from all my friends and family---gifts, money, chocolate, adoration......whatever!"  In the center of the tray was a basket of flowers.  Surrounding the flowers were home-baked cookies (in the shape of a crown--I am the Queen if you didn't know.) and four or five different types of small chocolates and a birthday card.  Laura even gave me the crown cookie cutter.  So my expectation of attention in the form of gifts, chocolate, and adoration were fulfilled (Laura does adore me as Queen of the neighborhood and her adoration is very evident!).
  I immediately called her and told her she made my night and my birthday hadn't even begun.  Evidently, upon re-reading the blog entry, she must have realized her error in not giving me money, so in the comment  box she said she'd give me a dime sometime.  We'll I now have much more than a dime, $1.12 to be exact!  Cause when I posted that I'd gush her praises when she brought me the money-----I had the money before I could close out the blog.
  I hadn't even left my computer chair, when bang, bang, bang--someone's accosting our front door.  Thought Wayne would have a heart attack.  Then I hear someone running down my stairs--to discover it is Laura with a handful of change.  She has now officially granted every one of my birthday blog requests.
  And now you understand this tribute to the Best Damn Neighbor to the North!!

Family Stories

Hey there everyone!  Can you tell I've gone back to work???  I'm still breathing even though I seem to be entering my hibernation mode.  Just darn tired and running like a crazy woman with work, the community garden, baby Hayley, the Just Between Friends consignment sale, and my yard work.

Now for a little family storytime.......
Got a birthday card from my sis this week (Yes, my birthday is Friday, Sept 3rd, and I expect lots of attention from all my friends and family---gifts, money, chocolate, adoration......whatever!)  Now back to the card...

Paula's card was signed, "Love Jane".  I did a double take and looked on the envelope at the return address because I have a friend named Jane---so the "Love, Jane" confused me-----until I read her short note:
 "With therapy I have learned to accept that I am Jane!  Thanks!  You old poop stain!" 
With those words it all fell into place.  And I laughed and laughed and laughed!

Ah, the memories, they seem like yesterday---and obviously they are very close to Paula's heart.  When little Paula Jean was just a young thing, she and I shared a room.  (I am seven years older than the little squirt so of course she worshipped me.)  For some reason, while we lay in bed at night, I thought it was very funny to torment her by whispering the phrase, "Hey Jane, where's Sally?"  She'd yell that she wasn't Jane and I just kept whispering the phrase to her every few minutes.  This would go on any night that I decided to yank her chain.  And obviously she has harbored these memories for over 30 years.

Now lest you think me cruel---just remember that we were, and still are, a disfunctional family (every family is!!!) and I had every reason to save my sanity with these little games.  With 5 kids in the family--3 of them bed wetters and quirky to boot, I deserved some down time.  If I wasn't helping to raise Paula, I was being asked by my parents to allow one of the bed wetters to climb in bed with me after he had wet his bed, then my parents' bed.  And yes, he would then proceed to wet MY bed.   And don't feel sorry for Paula.  She was the type of kid who was always afraid of the dark and wanted to sleep in my bed too!  It was a regular zoo in my bed!!!  Did Paula work to overcome her fear of the dark?????  NOoooooooooo!  She went to every scary movie she could find!  She watched Halloween at least 3 times!!!!  And then it was, "Sue, I'm scared.....Can I sleep with you?"

So now you know one of my favorite family memories.  How about sharing one or two of yours? 
Come on---pull out a family skeleton or two!

Outing a Sister!

Now lest you all gasp with shock---this sister is not a Lesbian!!!  BUT SHE USED TO BE A CLOSET----EXERCISER!!!

I remember the days when she used to get up at 4:00 am in the morning and go for her walks or runs----all because she wanted to exercise in the dark so no one would ever see her while she was exercising!!  So if I wanted to go for a walk with her, I'd have to get up before dawn!  That lasted only a couple of days for me especially once winter set in.

So something changed for my sista.  My best guess is that she passed the 50 mark and has gained the freedom that all sisters deserve but don't experience until the wisdom of the 50's sets in. 

50's Motto:  Who the hell cares what other people see us doing!  Celebrate Freedom!!!

Just so you know how life-changing coming out of the exercise closet is.......just check out this KC star link for pictures of the sista exercising in 100 degree weather!!!!!!  Click on Faces at English Landing Park.    It can be found on the 2nd page of Community Faces.  Laura is wearing a red tank top and a yellow headband holding a green ball. 

"Oh she is so light and carefree as she works her ass off!"

I'm raising my glass to you, Laura!!

I May Die in this House!!

After feeling blue and blogging about it to all 4 people who read this blog, I've been getting blessed left and right.  God must be tired of all my whining!!!

Despite the 100 degree heat, when Wayne pulled up with the U-haul truck to move Kate to her new apartment, neighbors started pouring out of their houses volunteering to help us load the truck.  We didn't have to call, solicit, or sell any of our body parts in order to get help!!!  They just appeared!!!  Voluntarily!  With smiles on their faces!!!

And it just so happened that the same day we were loading the truck a neighbor was hauling furniture out of the house (cause she wants to sell the house) and just letting people scavenge it.  Kate got a nice kitchen table with 2 chairs and a really good quality dresser.  We (meaning Wayne and crew) just loaded the furniture on the truck.  There could have been no better time frame for accomplishing everything.  And it was all FREE! (I won't mention that Wayne was cursing me for adding more heavy stuff to the move!)

So, although I want to move somewhere else than MO when we retire, I may not be able to leave my neighbors!!!!  It is rare to find such fun, disfunctional, helpful, crazy neighbors!!  We will NEVER find another niche like this one.  Perhaps we won't be able to move until they all die off or leave us in some other way.....OR we can all make a pact to retire to the same neigborhood, wherever and whenever that may be!  (I'm thinking New Mexico!)

Naked House Celebration

Just so you can all clear the date on your calendar, Wayne and I will become empty nesters again on Saturday, August 14th!!!  So on Sunday, August 15th we're hosting a naked house celebration!!!  

No it has nothing to do with the fact that all the kids' crap is no longer cluttering the house and now the house looks empty and naked. Who cares about that!!!!

What really matters is that now we can reclaim our house as a naked house zone!!!  We can flit about our house in the buff any time we want to.  We can chase each other up and down the stairs, jump up and down on couches and beds, sit on the kitchen table eating our bowls of cereal in the morning OR ANYTHING ELSE THAT TAKES OUR FANCY---free from all restrictive clothing!!!!  Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, we are free at last!

So come help us celebrate---anytime on Sunday.

Clothing is optional!!!!

Going Back to School Blues

Been feeling a little blue these past few days.  Always feel this way as the summer ends and school gears back up again.  I know it's only temporary but can't just wish the feelings away.  (For those of you who don't teach---keep your thoughts to yourself! Only other teachers will understand my whining and blues!)

This year's been a little different.  We've had Hayley and the two kids home all summer.  I find myself more frustrated at being tied down with a little one, especially after Wayne's and my trip to Wisconsin--kid free.  I think that little trip marked the end of my patience.  It's harder to get excited about keeping Hayley busy--everything just seems a little blah-zeh.

It's always hotter than hell this time of year - too hot to do anything outside.  That makes me crazy and drives my blues too.  Housebound with a two-year old.  Don't want to go out, can't get anything done here at home..... 

Then there is the news that a 19 year old Park Hill boy was shot to death and died outside of the Price Chopper store where David works.  Motive?  Either a fight over a girl or money--police aren't sure.  So three families' lives (two boys have been charged with manslaughter) are changed forever, not counting all the friends and relatives.  Where has innocence gone?

Troubles at the community garden crop up from time to time, but now when something comes up, I just want to bite the head off of someone!!!  Especially when an event happens more than once!  Just got notified that the church mowers (who aren't supposed to mow near the garden) just caught someone's net fence in the mower, causing major damage to the fence and taking 1 1/2 hours of time on a 100 degree day to get the net unwrapped from the mower blade.  Oh not done yet!!!  The mower, once again nicked the hose that supplies all of the garden's water---so it now has a hole that has to be cut out and reclamped (second time this year!!).  Urgh!!!!!  Breathe, Susan.  Just breathe!

And I think the real culprit of my blues is.......PMS!!!!  It is my fate to remain fertile until my 80's,
I am sure!!  All my friends have been released from this hell.  Why me, Lord.  Why me???  You really don't want me conceiving and bearing any more kids, Lord.  So what is the deal here??????

So if any of you were even thinking of calling or coming over for a visit---I'm warning you now---stay on my good side!!  Bring me a couple of margaritas and help me wash the blues away!!!

Ahhhhhhhh.......Hot Summer Nights......With My Neighbor's Husband!

The temperature was in the 90's.  The heat was in the 100's.  The air was thick and cloying.  Sweat glistened (and ran) on every surface of my skin. The muscles rippled on the man........as he whipped the cord back and forth against the hot metal beast that frustrated my every effort.

Yes, I'm describing an evening spent with my neighbor's husband weed-eating the killer weeds that have taken over the community garden----what did you think I was describing????

I've not had such a delightful evening on such a bad-ass hot day in years!!!  It is a memory that I must retain--therefore---I blog.

The evening was just as hot and muggy as I described above.  But my hero, Pete, was up for helping me attack the weeds that some of our hapless gardeners just don't know how to control. (No one else showed up to help-just Pete and me)  

We would have been able to accomplish twice as much if Pete hadn't had to stop every 15 minutes and restart the weed-eater for me.  First, I couldn't start it --of course Pete being the gracious man he is-----told me I was worthless---and went on to start the flooded weed-eater.  (He may not have said those words out loud---but I know he was thinking it---most of the 

evening :)  Then the string kept breaking as I hit stakes and got string from the nets wound around the weed-eater.  It was really rather comical. 

But we persevered for two hours until the sun set and the light was gone.  We were both covered from head to foot in green plant particles---most of it weed pollen.  I toweled as much of the green stuff off of my legs as I could while Pete took a wet rag and ran it down his rippled chest and over the rest of his muscled body................oh, pardon me.........I was fantasizing there for a minute!

We were riding in Peter's prize red pick-up truck so I knew that I had to get as much grass off my being as possible---lest I mar the pristine cleanness of his vehicle.  Peter offered me the cleaned rag, wet with water, so I was able to remove most of the mess.  Then he told me my hair looked like hell.  (thank you Peter!)  I even took off my shoes and socks and threw them in the back of the truck so I wouldn't get the cab full of grass clippings.

After combing my fingers through my sweaty, damp hair we were off driving in his beast, windows wide open to let in the hot summer air while he had a smoke. (Man, I felt like I was back in high school cruising Main Street checking out hot guys!!!) (Of course, Pete didn't know I was doing that:)  

I noted that Pete was taking the long route home, but I didn't say anything as he was gracious enough to spend two hours getting dirty with me.  When he turned the wrong direction, I started wondering what he was up to.  He told me he had to make a stop at Wal-mart.  There was no way I was getting out of the truck with my green-tinged body, wild hair, and bare feet.

Well Pete pulled up to the local Sheridan's Ice Cream stand where a million other persons were gathered for some custard coolness.  Did I stay hiding in the truck??  No way!  There was ice cream to be had--and Pete was paying!!  It didn't matter that I was barefoot, dirty, and wild haired! These people didn't know me (once you're over 50 you begin to realize that you don't have to give a fig what other people think of you!! It's so freeing to let go of that crap!!)  

Pete enjoyed letting everyone around us know that he was out with a woman who was not his wife......and I enjoyed the ice cream. 

Ahhhh.............Hot Summer Nights................I wonder if Pete knows that he started a new tradition??  Once the temperature hits 100 degrees on a hot summer night, I'll be found sitting in the cab of his truck, honking the horn, until he takes me out for ice cream!!

Hot-tubbing with the Melting Pot

Yesterday I was feeling housebound.  I guess 95 degree weather with heat index around 110 does contribute to cabin-i-tus.  So last night I escaped the house and being the motivated person that I am I decided to take a spinning class at the Y. (You can see that I was pretty desperate to get out!) So I dressed in my workout clothes and even brought along my swimsuit with the thought of relaxing in the hot tub after the grueling workout.

I survived the workout--lots of sweat and heavy breathing must mean that I used up at least 20,000 calories.  Now getting the swimsuit on my sweaty body afterward was kind of comical and I sure am glad I was the only one in the locker room!  I kept the grunting to a minimum as not to alert the staff that something untoward was going on.

Ahhhhhh....the hot tub.  It was hot and soothing.......until I could no longer ignore the morons with whom I was sharing the tub.  (this was the YMCA after all).  When I had first looked into the pool area there was only one man in the tub.  By the time I got that recalcitrant swim suit on, there were 4 people in the tub.  (Give us a description you ask?)

Here goes:

One pasty 30-something balding white guy covered in black body hair-chest, shoulders, & back!

One heavy-set 20-30 something Asian woman

One fat, tattooed male moron who belonged to the Asian woman

One young black teen girl who kept yelling to the life guard trying to keep his attention with her babbling

One middle-aged caucasian granny just trying to relax and heat up the old joints and bones--that would be me!

I'd seen pasty white guy hanging out in the hot tub once before.  Kind of creeped me out, but he didn't say anything and kept to himself.  Now the other 3 were another matter.  The whole of the conversation between tattoo-man and his girlfriend consisted of how he got his tattoos, (how he and his buddy did one of them with a needle and thread), which tattoo was for his ex-wife, girlfriend, whatever.  The final gross-out came when he talked about the fairy tattoo he had on his shoulder.  He was proud to say that when guy friends would tease him about having a fairy tattoo, he'd just say he was the only guy with a naked fairy on his mushroom!

Oh yeah, I hot tub with only the best at the YMCA!

Thank God, they moved on out to the Lazy River to continue their high-class discourse.  Pasty white guy left for a few minutes and that left annoying teen-girl who proceeded to yell out to the closest male life guard with inane remarks like, "Hey!  Did you know I'm going to try out to for the Park Hill football team this year?"  Ya, I'm going to try to get a scholarship.   "Hey!  Where's that kid's mother?  Aren't parents supposed to be in here with their kids?"  "Hey what are all those kids doing over by the door?"  "Hey, why's the door propped open?"  "Hey, can I go back in the pool now?"

OK, enough of this melting pot experience, all I needed were a couple of illegal immigrants to round out the experience.  Time to get out and go home.  

On my way back to the locker room, pasty white guy followed me.  So before leaving the pool area I stopped, turned around, and waited to see what he would do.  OK, he wasn't stalking me--he was just going to the sauna. 

Think I'm gonna go back tomorrow night for another peek into what's happening in America!

My Next Career--Hush Hush!

Wayne surprised me the other day while we were taking a walk (walks are great conversation opportunities as there are no computers, books, or grandbabies vying for the husband's attention).  Every once in a while Wayne still surprises me; still waters and all that. 

Retirement is in the offing, getting closer each year (tomorrow, for me, if I can convince Wayne).  I guess having Perfect Patty start the retirement trend makes it more of a reality. 

Anyway, Wayne was talking about becoming a Certified Financial Planner.  Wow, where'd that come from?  Guess he's been thinking about what he'll do to keep busy once he quits teaching.  So he's been looking into coursework requirements etc.  The biggest obstacle for Wayne is having to work for 3 years in an office that would require a tie and maybe even a suit coat!!!  After 3 years he would be certified and then he could work out of home as long, as he could build some clientelle.  I can guarantee ya there would be no tie wearing then!

I think Wayne is onto a good idea.  He loves all that financial stuff (gag me) which is great for our finances.  He spends hours (voluntarily!) reading every book about financial planning.  So I think he should bite the bullet and start taking the courses online.

Now all of this thinking about the future got me to thinking about my next career......  I'm thinking I'll become a spy for the good old USA.  You have to agree that I'm probably not their norm when choosing spies, but then again, that's the beauty of it.  No one would suspect me (see image).  I could become a sleeper for freedom!!! 

Reclining on a beach in the south of France, I could pick up crucial information!  You know that where the beautiful people are--there is intrigue!  No one would even take notice of me---just another tubby little grandma sitting on the beach in a straw hat with a margarita on the side.  I, of course, would have all the latest technology hidden in the folds of my body -- ready to relay the one tip that the powers that be were desperately seeking.

I might even come to the attention of Federal Agent Jack Bauer!

Darn Public Librarian!

Remind me to never be a self-righteous librarian who stops a patron who is trying to explain something and say, "I know what I'm doing."!

Stopped at the local library today to gather more books for Hayley so I don't go crazy reading the same book 100,000 times.  Now, being the way-advanced techy library they are, they let you check out your own materials (so they will have time to do more important things than patron relationship-building!!!).  Being the tech saavy person that I am, I started checking out my pile only to be told that one book was on hold and I couldn't check it out so I should see the librarian.  Then another item that was pulled in through an interlibrary loan from outside the system, rang up as another title when I ran the barcode.  So I needed to see lady librarian for two items of concern.

While trying to explain that I must have used the wrong barcode for the interlibrary loan item, the librarian quickly scanned a different barcode that was located on an attached slip.  When I tried to tell her she needed to check in the other barcode--she just looked at me and said---"I know what I'm doing."---with a simpering little smile.

Just about jumped over the counter and strangled the bi........  But, being level-headed and calm, I figured I could be wrong (I know, not likely being the librarian extraordinaire that I am) about the process.  I didn't even ask for her to run my final account so I could see the list of books cause I knew I'd be nasty if I found the wrong book still sitting on my account.

Well I checked my account tonight, and GUESS WHAT!!!!  The damn book is on my account.  She was so busy informing my of her expertise that she wasn't even listening to what I was trying to tell her---cause we grandmas are just so simpleminded, ya know. 

So now the dilemma is, how do I want to approach the......woman?  Any advice?

Come Hang with Me

Today I sing the praises of my new inversion table.  I think it is helping my back!  I've been very reticent to attribute this change to the table as I knew as soon as I did, my disc would prove me wrong.  So I've taken it slow. 

Taking care of the grandbaby put some added stress (about 30 lbs) on the old back.  My leg was becoming more numb and I started feeling more pain down the sciatic nerve--fearing a return to a prior month from hell when I needed back surgery.  The old Doc did say my disc could let loose anytime--surgery would not prevent it from happening again.  Great news for future paranoia!

Now if you should stop by in the evening, after I've taken a walk or warmed up my back in some exercise manner, you will catch me hanging on my table, relaxing to the music in my head or to the sound of the tv.  This window of opportunity lasts about 10-15 minutes.  (Only the neighbors who watch my every move will be able to catch me hanging.  And that's only if they can talk Wayne into letting them in.  (Knowing him, he'll just charge a small fee and even volunteer to take pictures for them.  Just another great tourist attraction in the great show-me state of Missouri!)

Anyway, the old sciatic nerve has settled down, thank you GOD!  My back isn't as sore and I don't have to take a constant dose of Ibruprofen.  (I do plan to take out stock in all anti-inflamatory drugs, along with Oxycodone, and Lyrica.  Ahhhhh...Lyrica.  Wonder drug.....)

So if any of you are feeling a pang here or there in the old joints, feel free to come hang with me!

Do I know how to make friends or what????

P.S.  I think I may be a little taller than I was last month!!

Photo citation

Susie Homebaker

Since I am stuck at home babysitting my cute little grandbaby bug for the summer, I decided to finally get around to baking some bread.  I love home baked bread!!  I just can't make the perfect loaf.  When I make the bread by hand it NEVER rises the 2nd time and ends up being more like a lead doorstop.  My dream is to make bread like the loaves at Panera!

Wayne wore out our bread machine making pizza dough about 3 yrs ago.  So last summer I borrowed my sister, Paula's bread machine.  It was sitting on her shelf unused.  When I tried to use it, the belt broke.  Apparently that was a typical problem of that brand of bread machine.  After going on the web to find a replacement belt, I gave up as they were no longer available.  (Thank you to all manufacturers who make crap and then don't even service the crap!!)  Hello landfill.

So this year I decided to borrow my tried and true friend Lorrie's bread machine (praying that the belt wouldn't break).  I still had 3 boxes of bread mix from last year that I couldn't use due to the aforementioned issue.  So I tried the 1st box--honey whole wheat bread.  The box came with everything I needed.  I thought maybe the yeast wouldn't be as cooperative being a year old, so I looked in my fridge just to see if we had any yeast.  To my amazement--we had some!!  Looked at the expiration date and it said 2003!!!!  (So maybe Wayne stopped making pizza dough in 2003.  Time flies)  Needless to say I used the yeast in the box.  Figured one year old wasn't as bad as 7 years old. 

After 3 1/2 hours I had a 1 and 1/2 lb loaf of honey wheat bread that was about 4 inches high!!  It was edible, but quite......what's the word......weighty!!  One piece had to have a caloric value of about 500 calories.

Never daunted, I whipped out the 7 grain box of bread.  I stopped at the store and bought some yeast (made especially for bread machines and whole wheat type bread).  After 3 1/2 hours my 1 and 1/2 lb loaf of 7 grain bread stood....................  well just take a look at the picture.

Working for Panera after I retire is not going to solve my lead bread syndrome.  I discovered that they don't make the bread in store.  They just bake it............   I'm thinking I need some professional help..........  I think this calls for a trip to France or Italy, along with some lessons from a chef extraordinare au pain (that's french for bread for those of you who are not bilingual). 

And Wayne wonders how I come up with our next set of travel plans!!!  Since he doesn't read this blog, I have some time to plan the itinerary (any of you sisters free during the summer of 2012?).

I have mastered mango margaritas, so I know that a month spent in Tuscany or Nice will embue me with bread making (wine drinking) skills extraordinare!

I think I'll have a glass of wine while I ponder the possiblities.

My Sister May Have a Point beyond the One on Her Head

Take Note, Patty!  Be sure to read the SMALL print!

http://media.photobucket.com/image/speeding%20ticket/usbaums/SpeedingTicket.jpg

Interesting Day

Some days are more interesting than others. Last week proved that. Last week I headed out that morning to pick up my new boss on the way to my first day at my new 2nd part-time job. I had stopped to pick up sustenance at McDonald's and was attempting to unwrap my breakfast burrito as I cruised along the highway. Glancing to my right I realized that was currently passing a state highway trooper. Oops! I slowed down and managed to pull over in his lane in front of him. Too late. His lights went on along with his siren. This is the point where you imagine the deep sigh that I emitted.

I pulled off to the side which caused him to have to squeeze between my vehicle and the railing to be safe. I politely handed him my ID and insurance card as he asked if I was on my way to work. I replied that it was my first day at a new job hoping that he might take pity on me.

As I sat in my little Escape (which wasn't helpling me to escape), I utilized my time by eating my two breakfast burritos and drinking my tea. What else was I to do? Wring my hands? Cry? Heck no! I could see the officer on his radio as I ate. I knew that I wasn't a convicted felon, so I should be safe. Hmmm.... How many points do I currently have on my license? Hmm... not sure....

I watched with only a little trepidation as he returned to my passenger window with my cards....... and unfortunately a speeding ticket AND the handy pre-addressed envelop with which to send in my fine if I should so choose as to not appear in court. Sigh......

Not a great start to the day as I am already late picking up my boss and haven't called her. No problem, she called me only moments later as I pulled away from the side of the road. She was gracious about the whole event. The rest of the morning went well, although we decided security at my new domicile were idiots since they couldn't figure out how to set up my new ID for my job. Another day for that.

I managed to drop my boss off after noon and head to the last day of NASA Camp for my 1st part-time job. I wasn't as early as I had hoped and didn't have quite as much dry ice for the afternoon's experiment as I had hoped due to evaporation, but all was well. The afternoon went well, the dry ice comet was awesome, and I was told I had the Gold Award for Mad Scientist according to one of my young charges. ( She had attended several Mad Science events, so she should know.)

Then we went outside to shoot off our rockets. Okay, so the engine was a bit powerful and the rocket went w-a-a-a-y off into the trees. No problem, I sent a student in to get another rocket. As I talked with the rest of the group outside, one of them said, "Is that a fire?"

Those are NOT words you want to hear, especially when you are in charge of a group of children. I thought perhaps it was smoke from the recently launched rocket. Oh, no, that would be too easy. There were flames near the launcher. I dashed over to look and yelled for another student to run in and get a pitcher of water. (Yes, I forgot the water!!!) As I stood there watching the grass burn, I picked up the launcher. One of the three legs was on fire and was melting as I watched. What to do? The flames were too big to stomp on, right? I didn't want that nasty black plastic on the bottom of my shoe. I did finally step on the grass fire, but blessedly the water arrived and I was able to put out all flames.

Surprisingly (after telling some of the screaming girls to sit down and act appropriately), we launched a second rocket with the lopsided launcher propped up. It went up quite nicely, but still headed way out to the woods. Oh, well, time to go in. In the last 10 minutes, fun materials were handed out and everyone left happily.

However, is it any wonder I went home to unwind and forgot a friends 60th birthday celebration? A person can only do so much.

Mother-in-laws don't like help

I hope you all didn't do something extremely fun without me this weekend. I had worthy visions of helping clear mounds of clutter in my mother-in-laws condo. She promptly put Dan and I to work in her garden. She is carving this out of prairie that sits next to her property so you can imagine the weeds, etc. she has been dealing with over the years. But since the weather was nice and it would burn some calories, why not. Except she does everything the hard way, from sifting the soil to not having all the supplies on hand.

So I shifted my attention to installing the new, very expensive, way too powerful computer that she had bought 2 days prior to our arrival. Why she couldn't wait, I never found out. Plus, she bought it 30 miles away, so when a unneeded part needed to be returned, I have to admit, I welcomed the drive time. But then she didn't want a new printer, so I installed what I could only to find out that the printer was not compatible with Windows xP. Did I say her old system was 10 years old and she was still using dial up and wanted to continue to use Dial up??

Paul and I priced a totally new system that included the new printer and a new monitor for less than her "oh, I trust xyz company implicitly." Ya think they worked on commission at xyz??

So, I washed my hands of that, did my own work on the laptop and stayed out of the way. That was pretty tough in this little condo. But Dan got frustrated too so we left yesterday at noon and took advantage of Kim apt. downtown. We watched people at Taste of Chicago, listened to bands that the 20 something crowd seemed to recognize, and then watched fireworks near our first apt. So, a nice ending to my last weekend attempt at helping someone who really does not want any help. Remind me of this if I start making noises again.

In Honor of the 4th of July: Baseball Adventures in Minnesota

My sister, Paula, and I are seven years apart in age.  I used to be able to get by having people think I was the younger sister, until one sales clerk thought I was her mother!!!  I no longer ask random people to guess which one of us is younger!!!

Anyway,  my sister keeps me laughing.  Her life is always an adventure and her commentary makes it even more humerous--even when circumstances are not so funny.  So in honor of the 4th of July, here is a peek into Paula's World.  Enjoy!

Twins Game



Tim, Rahn and I went to the Twins game last night against the Rays. Twins won 2-1. Great game!


It was a beautiful night and they did fireworks afterward. I have decided fireworks have to have music with them. That was fun to watch and listen to the music. Fireworks alone doesn't do it for me.


Rahn, Tim and I all signed up to be designated drivers so we got 12 dollars worth of free pop. Each glass is 4 dollars. .... 4x 3=12. Gosh I am good! We told Tim to go sign up...he gave us a look like ...you guys gonna get loaded? and I'm going to have to drive out of the cities? Then he realized we were just pulling a basic scam.. Proud moment.


At the game, Andrew was listening in on a conversation of a couple of men behind him. One of them was thinking out loud about what a certain number with a banner was for. Andrew turned around and looked at him like he was in total disbelief and the guy must be a complete idiot. (I have no idea where he gets that). He says "That is Jackie Robinson's number." The guy said "oh. " Then said," I guess I just got dissed by a teenager. "


The night ended great. We walked back to our car which wasn't too far but way too many turns for me to remember. We get up to the car and I see Andrew with a look of complete fear and maybe the pre- barf look. And he says," I forgot my glove" I calmly looked at Rahn (seriously I was playing the mature parent role...not the "are you a complete moron" role I find so easy to go to) and said you have to go back and see if you can get Andrew 's glove. They high tailed it back. Andrew came back in tears. It was no longer there.


They said to call tomorrow and they would check lost and found. I told Andrew that I 'll ask if Joe Mauer can bring it to Windom for us. Or I will send a letter to each player and tell them the sad little story of Andrew and how he lost his glove and could they all sign it and send him a new one? That did bring a chuckle.


Of course this glove he lost is very expensive because we were investing in Anddew's future and he only deserves the best. Puke. Next glove he gets if this one is lost, is a damn Charlie Brown glove. You know the kind.... no pocket. Just leather. You got to be a real player to catch a damn ball in that kind of a glove.

Anyway we made it home at 2:00 in the morning. I slept till 10:30. Ahhh life is good.

Happy 4th people.

Margarita Testing and Drunken Driveway

Gotta an email from one of my sista's today, who took the time to read our Sister's of the Road Blog.  Made me laugh. So as I sit here sipping my strawberry mango margarita (still trying to recreate the perfect Mazatlan Mango Madness!), let me share her comment with all of you:  

"I think all you ladies are a dangerous group to be around! Need  to carry Depends for when you laugh too hard and you pee your pants!"

Well I used to turn away in disgust from commercials about Doan's pills, hemorrhoid creams, Depends etc.  Now I stop everything and tell everyone around me to be quiet so I can catch all the important details!!  It's all a new adventure and I don't want to miss anything that will bring me comfort and allow me to go longer without having to take a potty break every 15 minutes.  So I think the tip about carrying a bag of Depends, is just that, a good tip.  Not sure I can fit one in my little bike bag, but it's worth a try.

Back to the Margarita I'm sipping.  I LIKE this one.  I'll have to test it out on my Drunken Driveway Sista's.  (What's with the ghetto speak, you ask?  Must be the margarita speakin!)  Anyway, my parents and sister, Paula, are arriving in KC on Thursday evening.  I already have notified the card club that my Mom likes her Grey Goose.  So Saturday night is taken care of.  That leaves Thursday or Friday night open for Drunken Driveway.  Think I'll make a batch of these Margaritas!  (Hey neighbors---bring your Margarita glasses with you!)


Now lest you think all I do is drink---well far from it.  All my friends know that it only takes one drink to make me silly.  And most Drunk Driveway nights are spent drinking coke or water (by me anyway).  There is nothing better on a warm summer night than a little conversatin with good neighbors.  So feel free to sit out in your driveways, drinking a libation, hooting at the people going by or raising your glasses to the poor guy next door mowing his lawn.  Reach out and make some new friends!  (oh, and a one finger wave is probably not the sign of a friendly neighbor!!!)


Cheers!

50+ It's All About Me

The sisters are kind in their comments!  Party on Patty, Problem Patty, Princess Patty, and Picked on Patty---love the monikers and they ARE so fitting :)  Anyway Patty comments that I'm not self-centered Sue----well, when I hit 50 I decided that the theme of my fifties was:  It's ALL about ME!!! 


And about time, I say!!!  Love my kids but they've sucked the energy out of me (or maybe that's just old age creeping up).  Love the husband---can't really say he's high maintenance as he cooks, cleans, takes out the garbage, brings home some money, and even does the grocery shopping!  (My neighbor is so jealous of my good choice in husbands---she wonders just what the hell I do all day :)  Tsk, Tsk.  is all I have to say.  My 50's are all about me so it doesn't really matter what I do all day--as long as everyone knows it's ALL about ME!!

So Sisters, regardless of age, create a theme for your decade in life--and have some fun with it!


P.S.  Just realized I posted this on Father's Day.  How Ironic.  Oh Well, it's still All about Me---but I will give my Dad a call :)

Welcome Round Sisters

Sisters come in all shapes, sizes, temperments, and in all seasons of life. Some sisters are blood relations, and some are formed from relations of the heart.

My sisters keep life spicy: full of laughter, insanity, headshaking wonder, & adventure.

Round sisters are the best! "Round" is the word of the day. Round is better than "Flat"! Let me explain......

Today's adventure began with an early morning bike ride with 3 of my sisters. Always a feat of communication coordinating any one event with four schedules!!! The sisters are way overcomitted!!! (I being the only lazy one that believes that 2 events in one day are probably one too many.)

Prepared for a beautiful summer morning ride around the paved paths of Smithville Lake, we met in a local church parking lot (never hurts to look religious and involved) and carpooled to the trailhead. "Round is better than flat." Keep repeating that mantra.......

Bike helmets on, water bottles full, sweat kerchiefs at the ready, we hopped on the bikes only to be met with the sound of a shotgun blast. (Round is better than flat.....) We all knew it was Patty, it's ALWAYS Patty!!!..................... Biking isn't an adventure without Patty!................ It wasn't Patty.

Brand new bike, brand new bike tires, way too much air pressure and .....kaboom! Not even ten feet riden on the path. (Round is definitely better than flat....so goes the mantra.) Being the bike affieciendos that we are: we couldn't change a bike tire to save our lives. No manly men with extra tire tubes in view (we did have an air cannister--always carry a lot of hot air with us) meant that we needed an alternate plan. Lorrie (the one with the overabundance of air) suggested that the rest of us continue our bike ride and she would just take a beautiful walk instead.

Kitty, the sister who is closest in nature to Mother Teresa, volunteered to walk with Lorrie while Self-centered Sue and Party on Patty (it was her birthday week after all) enjoyed a twelve mile bike ride round the shores of Smithville Lake. (OK, 12 miles for Patty---11 1/2 miles for Sue---let's keep things official).

It was a beautiful morning for walkers and riders alike.

Keeping with the theme: Round vs Flat--Round Sisters are definitely more fun than Flat Sisters, which brings me at long last to McDonalds. Sisters are all about sharing the laughs. After biking we must of course refresh ourselves at the local Smithville McDonald's. Not known for our quiet demeanor, other diners did not really need to eavesdrop in order to enjoy some of our raucous conversation, although I swear the McDonald's Man emptying the trash was taking way more time to empty that can than needed!

Of course Patty's response to Lorrie's comment that she wanted new knobs (for her kitchen cabinets--just to clarify things) seemed to set the guy off.  I guess hearing a woman scream, "I want some new knobs too!", might catch anyone's attention. From there the conversation took a turn from breast reduction to buried treasure and on and on and on........

Suffice it to say, as we were leaving, McDonald Man wished us good day and added that we looked like a fun-loving group of ladies.

And that's why I hang around these sisters!