Poor White Trash Yard Art

"Drunken Drive Way Takes a Wrong Turn"---That's the headline I plan to submit to the local Platte County News Rag. 

After a frenetic week of work, I was ready for a little down time.  The plan was to spend a quiet Friday evening playing cards with my "saintly friends" from Gloria Dei.  As it was only 4 o'clock in the afternoon, thought I'd relax on the couch before gearing up for the evening.  But there was no rest to be had for the weary. 

I could hear that the neighbors were restless.  Lots of boysterous chatter interrupted my rest.  I could tell they were out in the neighbor's front yard---remember the neighbor who lived so close that she could get to my front door before I could even get out of my chair!!---that neighbor!

By 4:30 pm Wayne arrived home only to declare that the neigbors were already starting up druken driveway for the evening.

Knowing I would get no further rest on the couch, I decided to be social and join the fray -- start my evening a little early --what the hell.  So I grabbed my chair and my diet coke--(yes, should have added some rum to that coke in hindsight!).

Bri-Bri was already a couple sheets to the wind.  He and the rest of the revelers had already started creating yard art with their beer bottles and cans.  Their first work of art was forming into the face of a clock.  They only needed to land a can in the 12 o'clock position to complete the venture.

Not sure if the clock was ever completed as we left to prepare for our next event and the neighbors changed their focus to decorating our our yard with their lovely trash-art creations!

They have become ever more bold--probably due to the alcohol already consumed--decorating during the daylight hours before we have even left the premises!!  At this point in our neighbor relationship, I have realized that it is really best to just let them go---and enjoy the fruits of their labors. 

I am just happy to know that the neighbors are having fun and finding a way to entertain themselves.  They all know that I secretly enjoy the attention--after all--this 50's decade is all about me!

So I now share with you the fruits of their labors:

Bestest Damn Neighbor to the North

Alright!  Just so that you all know that I have the bestest damn neighbor living to the north of me, let me sing her praises!!!
  Within seconds of posting the last comment on the Family Stories piece, Laura was banging on my door with a pile of money!!!  I had not even had time to log off!!!
  First you must understand that Laura is always surprising me.  I wake up on Easter to a yard filled with yellow puff ball dandelions, or pastel colored pinwheels by the dozens, or plastic Easter eggs, etc.  And I can never leave my house again over Christmas for all the trashy decorations that are plastered over every inch of my yard. 
  Laura's creativity is endless and all she needs is the cover of night!  (It helps that we are in bed by 9:00 pm most nights :) 
  Thursday, the night before my birthday, Laura brings over a tray filled with almost every birthday item that I blogged about earlier in the week. "Yes, my birthday is Friday, Sept 3rd, and I expect lots of attention from all my friends and family---gifts, money, chocolate, adoration......whatever!"  In the center of the tray was a basket of flowers.  Surrounding the flowers were home-baked cookies (in the shape of a crown--I am the Queen if you didn't know.) and four or five different types of small chocolates and a birthday card.  Laura even gave me the crown cookie cutter.  So my expectation of attention in the form of gifts, chocolate, and adoration were fulfilled (Laura does adore me as Queen of the neighborhood and her adoration is very evident!).
  I immediately called her and told her she made my night and my birthday hadn't even begun.  Evidently, upon re-reading the blog entry, she must have realized her error in not giving me money, so in the comment  box she said she'd give me a dime sometime.  We'll I now have much more than a dime, $1.12 to be exact!  Cause when I posted that I'd gush her praises when she brought me the money-----I had the money before I could close out the blog.
  I hadn't even left my computer chair, when bang, bang, bang--someone's accosting our front door.  Thought Wayne would have a heart attack.  Then I hear someone running down my stairs--to discover it is Laura with a handful of change.  She has now officially granted every one of my birthday blog requests.
  And now you understand this tribute to the Best Damn Neighbor to the North!!

Family Stories

Hey there everyone!  Can you tell I've gone back to work???  I'm still breathing even though I seem to be entering my hibernation mode.  Just darn tired and running like a crazy woman with work, the community garden, baby Hayley, the Just Between Friends consignment sale, and my yard work.

Now for a little family storytime.......
Got a birthday card from my sis this week (Yes, my birthday is Friday, Sept 3rd, and I expect lots of attention from all my friends and family---gifts, money, chocolate, adoration......whatever!)  Now back to the card...

Paula's card was signed, "Love Jane".  I did a double take and looked on the envelope at the return address because I have a friend named Jane---so the "Love, Jane" confused me-----until I read her short note:
 "With therapy I have learned to accept that I am Jane!  Thanks!  You old poop stain!" 
With those words it all fell into place.  And I laughed and laughed and laughed!

Ah, the memories, they seem like yesterday---and obviously they are very close to Paula's heart.  When little Paula Jean was just a young thing, she and I shared a room.  (I am seven years older than the little squirt so of course she worshipped me.)  For some reason, while we lay in bed at night, I thought it was very funny to torment her by whispering the phrase, "Hey Jane, where's Sally?"  She'd yell that she wasn't Jane and I just kept whispering the phrase to her every few minutes.  This would go on any night that I decided to yank her chain.  And obviously she has harbored these memories for over 30 years.

Now lest you think me cruel---just remember that we were, and still are, a disfunctional family (every family is!!!) and I had every reason to save my sanity with these little games.  With 5 kids in the family--3 of them bed wetters and quirky to boot, I deserved some down time.  If I wasn't helping to raise Paula, I was being asked by my parents to allow one of the bed wetters to climb in bed with me after he had wet his bed, then my parents' bed.  And yes, he would then proceed to wet MY bed.   And don't feel sorry for Paula.  She was the type of kid who was always afraid of the dark and wanted to sleep in my bed too!  It was a regular zoo in my bed!!!  Did Paula work to overcome her fear of the dark?????  NOoooooooooo!  She went to every scary movie she could find!  She watched Halloween at least 3 times!!!!  And then it was, "Sue, I'm scared.....Can I sleep with you?"

So now you know one of my favorite family memories.  How about sharing one or two of yours? 
Come on---pull out a family skeleton or two!

Outing a Sister!

Now lest you all gasp with shock---this sister is not a Lesbian!!!  BUT SHE USED TO BE A CLOSET----EXERCISER!!!

I remember the days when she used to get up at 4:00 am in the morning and go for her walks or runs----all because she wanted to exercise in the dark so no one would ever see her while she was exercising!!  So if I wanted to go for a walk with her, I'd have to get up before dawn!  That lasted only a couple of days for me especially once winter set in.

So something changed for my sista.  My best guess is that she passed the 50 mark and has gained the freedom that all sisters deserve but don't experience until the wisdom of the 50's sets in. 

50's Motto:  Who the hell cares what other people see us doing!  Celebrate Freedom!!!

Just so you know how life-changing coming out of the exercise closet is.......just check out this KC star link for pictures of the sista exercising in 100 degree weather!!!!!!  Click on Faces at English Landing Park.    It can be found on the 2nd page of Community Faces.  Laura is wearing a red tank top and a yellow headband holding a green ball. 

"Oh she is so light and carefree as she works her ass off!"

I'm raising my glass to you, Laura!!

I May Die in this House!!

After feeling blue and blogging about it to all 4 people who read this blog, I've been getting blessed left and right.  God must be tired of all my whining!!!

Despite the 100 degree heat, when Wayne pulled up with the U-haul truck to move Kate to her new apartment, neighbors started pouring out of their houses volunteering to help us load the truck.  We didn't have to call, solicit, or sell any of our body parts in order to get help!!!  They just appeared!!!  Voluntarily!  With smiles on their faces!!!

And it just so happened that the same day we were loading the truck a neighbor was hauling furniture out of the house (cause she wants to sell the house) and just letting people scavenge it.  Kate got a nice kitchen table with 2 chairs and a really good quality dresser.  We (meaning Wayne and crew) just loaded the furniture on the truck.  There could have been no better time frame for accomplishing everything.  And it was all FREE! (I won't mention that Wayne was cursing me for adding more heavy stuff to the move!)

So, although I want to move somewhere else than MO when we retire, I may not be able to leave my neighbors!!!!  It is rare to find such fun, disfunctional, helpful, crazy neighbors!!  We will NEVER find another niche like this one.  Perhaps we won't be able to move until they all die off or leave us in some other way.....OR we can all make a pact to retire to the same neigborhood, wherever and whenever that may be!  (I'm thinking New Mexico!)

Naked House Celebration

Just so you can all clear the date on your calendar, Wayne and I will become empty nesters again on Saturday, August 14th!!!  So on Sunday, August 15th we're hosting a naked house celebration!!!  

No it has nothing to do with the fact that all the kids' crap is no longer cluttering the house and now the house looks empty and naked. Who cares about that!!!!

What really matters is that now we can reclaim our house as a naked house zone!!!  We can flit about our house in the buff any time we want to.  We can chase each other up and down the stairs, jump up and down on couches and beds, sit on the kitchen table eating our bowls of cereal in the morning OR ANYTHING ELSE THAT TAKES OUR FANCY---free from all restrictive clothing!!!!  Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, we are free at last!

So come help us celebrate---anytime on Sunday.

Clothing is optional!!!!

Going Back to School Blues

Been feeling a little blue these past few days.  Always feel this way as the summer ends and school gears back up again.  I know it's only temporary but can't just wish the feelings away.  (For those of you who don't teach---keep your thoughts to yourself! Only other teachers will understand my whining and blues!)

This year's been a little different.  We've had Hayley and the two kids home all summer.  I find myself more frustrated at being tied down with a little one, especially after Wayne's and my trip to Wisconsin--kid free.  I think that little trip marked the end of my patience.  It's harder to get excited about keeping Hayley busy--everything just seems a little blah-zeh.

It's always hotter than hell this time of year - too hot to do anything outside.  That makes me crazy and drives my blues too.  Housebound with a two-year old.  Don't want to go out, can't get anything done here at home..... 

Then there is the news that a 19 year old Park Hill boy was shot to death and died outside of the Price Chopper store where David works.  Motive?  Either a fight over a girl or money--police aren't sure.  So three families' lives (two boys have been charged with manslaughter) are changed forever, not counting all the friends and relatives.  Where has innocence gone?

Troubles at the community garden crop up from time to time, but now when something comes up, I just want to bite the head off of someone!!!  Especially when an event happens more than once!  Just got notified that the church mowers (who aren't supposed to mow near the garden) just caught someone's net fence in the mower, causing major damage to the fence and taking 1 1/2 hours of time on a 100 degree day to get the net unwrapped from the mower blade.  Oh not done yet!!!  The mower, once again nicked the hose that supplies all of the garden's water---so it now has a hole that has to be cut out and reclamped (second time this year!!).  Urgh!!!!!  Breathe, Susan.  Just breathe!

And I think the real culprit of my blues is.......PMS!!!!  It is my fate to remain fertile until my 80's,
I am sure!!  All my friends have been released from this hell.  Why me, Lord.  Why me???  You really don't want me conceiving and bearing any more kids, Lord.  So what is the deal here??????

So if any of you were even thinking of calling or coming over for a visit---I'm warning you now---stay on my good side!!  Bring me a couple of margaritas and help me wash the blues away!!!